At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Randomize
