So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
