6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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