You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
