we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
