Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
barbara walters just said penis...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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