MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
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