Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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