Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
