I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
