i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
