i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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