tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Randomize
