Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
