I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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