Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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