i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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