my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Randomize
