you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
