Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
