This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
