hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
