I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
why do cheetos always look like penises
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
