it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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