why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
