We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
