He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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