I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
