i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
