there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
