Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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