from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
