I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
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