I will die if light touches me.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
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