come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
