is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
