porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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