Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Randomize
