I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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