i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
