Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
