Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
