I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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