And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
