if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
