and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
