Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
