3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
