hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
