They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
