Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
