I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Im part way to drunk.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
