Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
