I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
