i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
